Jealousy isn’t something that as a parent you think about, how could you be jealous of your partner when they are helping you nurture your baby. It is also hard to admit that you are having these negative feelings, but when you're tired and doing everything in your power to care for this little person and there is someone better that can comfort or entertain them, then there is always a possibility that you will feel this way.
When Mabel was a baby she went through a faze where she was extremely attached to me. If she cried I was the one that could settle her while Doug had to watch on. Don’t get me wrong Doug did try very hard, and for long periods of times, but after stepping in and taking over, Mabel would be settled in 15 minutes. As a new Mother I thought nothing of it. I mean that is what I am supposed to do right? Comfort, Settle and Nurture my baby. The one thing I had forgotten about and it was not brought to my attention for a little while, was how did this impact on Doug. Surely he wouldn’t mind! He is probably pleased that he has some free time! This was a major flaw for me as a loving wife, I was ignorant. To me everything was fine because my baby wanted her Mum.
It’s hard to admit a negative feeling towards your partner but I have found that over the course of the last year a couple of times when I have felt jealous of the relationship that Nichole and Mabel have. When Mabel was young, Nic would pick me up from the station at around 8pm, at which point I would try to settle Mable for the night. This would normally be the only real time I got with her, but she would just cry and no matter what I did, all she wanted was Nichole. This was hard to cope with, I was tired from work and just wanted to spend time with my daughter but all I did was upset her. I began to feel jealous of the relationship that they had and felt like I wasn’t required. It became hard to spend time with them and I felt myself withdraw.
I finally got over this feeling when I realised it was neither of their fault that they had this relationship and I had a certain role that allowed Nichole to be at home full time for a year. There have been other times where I have felt jealous, it seems to center around time and the amount I spend at home. I work in London and I am out of the house from about 6 am til 8 pm, apart from occasions when Mabel wakes up early, I don't see her in the week. It seems like I was missing all the steps in Mabel's development, rolling over, sitting up, standing and walking. I felt a disconnect and it was hard to get over a feeling of loss. People would ask how Mabel was an all I could do was to refer to what I had been told, but on the other side, she is always excited to see me and I get beaming smiles.
It seems now modern day Fathers want to help in all aspects of parenting. From changing, dressing, feeding your baby to wanting to bath them, read stories, play games. Some Fathers, such as Doug, know what the best wipes are to use or what nappies to buy. It is a shift from when I grew up and it is still some getting use to. Us women are possessive, or at least I am in the fact that I have to be top dog, especially because the one thing I can achieve being a stay at home mum is being the better parent. Doug can be successful at work, so why would he want to come home and try and excel with parenting as well! Do I feel envy brewing up?
Jealousy is an emotion that comes from wanting something that someone else has, for me the jealous pangs are caused by wanting it all when it comes to Mabel. I have a relationship with her that is based more on play, I tend not to take the responsibility for making decisions when it comes to caring because Nic is around more and creates a schedule which is better for them both. This works so i shouldn’t really feel jealous towards what Nic has as I have a different type of relationship with Mabel. I get a lot of attention when I work from home and she seems to say Daddy a lot more. It might be different when our next child arrives, it will be interesting to see if those feelings of jealousy will reappear and in what situations. We will also have another form of jealousy to deal with! That will be sibling jealousy.
It is wonderful to see your loved ones enjoying each other's company. There are always going to be some negative feeling or frustration, but by being open and honest can help to build a strong bond between us as a family unit. These feelings tend to get worse when they are left unresolved, we each have a role in our little family and it is about appreciating what each party brings to the table that will allow us to continue to grow from strength to strength.
When Mabel was a baby she went through a faze where she was extremely attached to me. If she cried I was the one that could settle her while Doug had to watch on. Don’t get me wrong Doug did try very hard, and for long periods of times, but after stepping in and taking over, Mabel would be settled in 15 minutes. As a new Mother I thought nothing of it. I mean that is what I am supposed to do right? Comfort, Settle and Nurture my baby. The one thing I had forgotten about and it was not brought to my attention for a little while, was how did this impact on Doug. Surely he wouldn’t mind! He is probably pleased that he has some free time! This was a major flaw for me as a loving wife, I was ignorant. To me everything was fine because my baby wanted her Mum.
It’s hard to admit a negative feeling towards your partner but I have found that over the course of the last year a couple of times when I have felt jealous of the relationship that Nichole and Mabel have. When Mabel was young, Nic would pick me up from the station at around 8pm, at which point I would try to settle Mable for the night. This would normally be the only real time I got with her, but she would just cry and no matter what I did, all she wanted was Nichole. This was hard to cope with, I was tired from work and just wanted to spend time with my daughter but all I did was upset her. I began to feel jealous of the relationship that they had and felt like I wasn’t required. It became hard to spend time with them and I felt myself withdraw.
After a little while of this Mabel soon realised she wanted us both and now she is 15 months old the tables have turned, it is all about Daddy. The amount of days/weeks and now I think it’s been months where I have had to listen to the word Dad, Dada, Hi Dad, over and over again. “Can you say Mum”? I ask her all the time, knowing full well she can, but it has become a rare treat. The feeling of jealously of always wanting her Dad and being a 3rd wheel is no sooner gone, because watching the bond between a Father and a Daughter forming is priceless, that anything you were feeling before just disappears and a love for the 2 most precious things in your life just beams out of you.
I finally got over this feeling when I realised it was neither of their fault that they had this relationship and I had a certain role that allowed Nichole to be at home full time for a year. There have been other times where I have felt jealous, it seems to center around time and the amount I spend at home. I work in London and I am out of the house from about 6 am til 8 pm, apart from occasions when Mabel wakes up early, I don't see her in the week. It seems like I was missing all the steps in Mabel's development, rolling over, sitting up, standing and walking. I felt a disconnect and it was hard to get over a feeling of loss. People would ask how Mabel was an all I could do was to refer to what I had been told, but on the other side, she is always excited to see me and I get beaming smiles.
It seems now modern day Fathers want to help in all aspects of parenting. From changing, dressing, feeding your baby to wanting to bath them, read stories, play games. Some Fathers, such as Doug, know what the best wipes are to use or what nappies to buy. It is a shift from when I grew up and it is still some getting use to. Us women are possessive, or at least I am in the fact that I have to be top dog, especially because the one thing I can achieve being a stay at home mum is being the better parent. Doug can be successful at work, so why would he want to come home and try and excel with parenting as well! Do I feel envy brewing up?
Jealousy is an emotion that comes from wanting something that someone else has, for me the jealous pangs are caused by wanting it all when it comes to Mabel. I have a relationship with her that is based more on play, I tend not to take the responsibility for making decisions when it comes to caring because Nic is around more and creates a schedule which is better for them both. This works so i shouldn’t really feel jealous towards what Nic has as I have a different type of relationship with Mabel. I get a lot of attention when I work from home and she seems to say Daddy a lot more. It might be different when our next child arrives, it will be interesting to see if those feelings of jealousy will reappear and in what situations. We will also have another form of jealousy to deal with! That will be sibling jealousy.
It is wonderful to see your loved ones enjoying each other's company. There are always going to be some negative feeling or frustration, but by being open and honest can help to build a strong bond between us as a family unit. These feelings tend to get worse when they are left unresolved, we each have a role in our little family and it is about appreciating what each party brings to the table that will allow us to continue to grow from strength to strength.
D & N
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